ATTACHING SEX AND SEXUALITY TO DISABILITY: A SIGN OF INCLUSION AND BREAKING THE BARRIERS
We
live in a world where sex is slowly gaining fame, as opposed to the
former centuries, but, yet still, we find that the disabled are still
seen as not so sexually included in the society. So when the disabled
say they need more sex if not sex at all, the society raises
eyebrows. There is a great importance to the bodily pleasures of any
individual. We need to live freely and make choices about our own
lives without influence or pressure from anyone whether it is the
family or the care givers.
Indeed sex is important, and we need to accept that majority of the disabled are not getting enough sex and they are having good sex. Most disabled people are not just looking for sex itself, they are searching for intimacy, they are seeking warmth, they are seeking validation and connection also. This means that relationships counts more than sex.
We need to do away with the cultural beliefs and practices about sex, this will help the disabled people to fit fully in the society especially when sexuality is concerned. We need to ensure optimum sexual expression for all, this is very satisfying. But at the same time, we don’t need to have exaggerated expectations, we need to know that the story is not just sex, sex, and sex alone; if this is our thought then we may be trying to buy the stories in the soap operas. We need to also consider the areas like celibacy; we need to look at the importance of friendship in the lives of an individual. In order to achieve this, we need to put importance on the private desires and personal relationships in all the agendas of any disability movements. This will bring forth lasting change. We should not just fight for equality in employment, education, housing and transport only. We need to fight for belonging; we need to fight for acceptance and also happiness.
The disabled people need to gain access to relationships, access to public places and also access to choices. The choices should include choosing gender experience, choosing identity and lifestyle. We should merge the private experience of the individual’s body with the public which is the social structures. This will be built on self esteem and confidence which will connect the relationship of love and friendship, the legal relationship of human rights and finally the solidarity which comes from a community point of view. This will be made up of self respect and also recognition, we need to know how the physical limitations affect the sexual desires of the disabled people. This will build a community that is inclusive for the disabled and the non-disabled as well as the role of sex in this century and generation.
So, as a fellow disabled person I will say it again as one disabled man said it some time back: “let us do it”, “let us fall in love”.
Indeed sex is important, and we need to accept that majority of the disabled are not getting enough sex and they are having good sex. Most disabled people are not just looking for sex itself, they are searching for intimacy, they are seeking warmth, they are seeking validation and connection also. This means that relationships counts more than sex.
We need to do away with the cultural beliefs and practices about sex, this will help the disabled people to fit fully in the society especially when sexuality is concerned. We need to ensure optimum sexual expression for all, this is very satisfying. But at the same time, we don’t need to have exaggerated expectations, we need to know that the story is not just sex, sex, and sex alone; if this is our thought then we may be trying to buy the stories in the soap operas. We need to also consider the areas like celibacy; we need to look at the importance of friendship in the lives of an individual. In order to achieve this, we need to put importance on the private desires and personal relationships in all the agendas of any disability movements. This will bring forth lasting change. We should not just fight for equality in employment, education, housing and transport only. We need to fight for belonging; we need to fight for acceptance and also happiness.
The disabled people need to gain access to relationships, access to public places and also access to choices. The choices should include choosing gender experience, choosing identity and lifestyle. We should merge the private experience of the individual’s body with the public which is the social structures. This will be built on self esteem and confidence which will connect the relationship of love and friendship, the legal relationship of human rights and finally the solidarity which comes from a community point of view. This will be made up of self respect and also recognition, we need to know how the physical limitations affect the sexual desires of the disabled people. This will build a community that is inclusive for the disabled and the non-disabled as well as the role of sex in this century and generation.
So, as a fellow disabled person I will say it again as one disabled man said it some time back: “let us do it”, “let us fall in love”.
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