HER IMPERFECTIONS ROBBED HER OFF HER PRINCE CHARMING AND WON HER A REAL MAN WITH AN EXTRA GOLDEN HEART

In the world today we see a tinge of change in attitude towards persons living with disabilities, this is seen among some people and groups as well. And we cannot also fail to meet the ones who are so much in love with their archaic beliefs and thoughts that life to them and everyone if not anyone around them must be “perfect”. We have a common universally used slogan that “disability is a club that anyone can join even against their consented subscription” and when we think deeply about this we agree that it is true, and we find it common around us that some may be so much anti-disability only to be pro-disability either when they happen to join the club, someone close to them joins the club or if they happen to be attached to a club member in a way or the other. And all these are different forms of becoming aware of the reality of disability.

People living with disabilities have personal experience and life stories that are filled with a lot of sadness that they have been through, some are as a result of their disabilities and others result from their experiences from people around them. In the society from time immemorial, we find that relationships are the most important things that any person can ever experience, this vary from relationships at family level, community level, society level, national level, regional level, international level and any other imagined setting where human beings come in contact with each other.

The challenge that most persons with disabilities go through on a daily basis is not so much related to self acceptance but rather being accepted by people around them to form relationships especially intimate or rather romantic affairs. A story from a woman living with a disability is presented here to express her personal experience while on a mission to search for a soul mate.

"...I dont want to dwell so much on what life was from my childhood, I want to talk about what I faced as a grown woman living with a disability, in brief I can say I was born in a good country where disability rights are talked about by many organizations and also at a national level. No one can dare discriminate against a person living with a disability and get away with it. I am from a well off family, I had a good access to education and also medical care for free, all the paths are easily accessible to my wheelchair, I have a motorized wheelchair and I can change to have a new one any time I want, I can get this for free because they are provided by the state. There are some few cases of discrimination, assualt and abuse of persons with disabilities but they are dealt with so well if they are reported, this is because we all know that in any setting where there are laws, we dont miss to get law breakers as well.

I got a job at a very young age and I have a lot of allowances on top of my salary, so for me money may not be a problem and financial poverty is not part of my life. After working for some time I moved to live in my own house, I employed a good helper who does a lot of things for me in the house and helps me to go to work, I then decided to buy my own car so that my mobility would be even more easy, and what I dont forget is that I have a disability called spina bifida, and I also have some physical limitations that leave me to be more dependent on my helper. I cannot manage to do anything out of my wheelchair, many people call this lifestyle “wheelchair bound”. But deep in my heart I have a drive that I have a life to live and I must live it happily. I have had male friends in my life though not in committed relationships, that was what I preferred at that moment of my life. When I started working and had a home of my own my main desire was to meet a man of my dream and have a relationship and later settle and have a family of my own.

I have always wanted to have a mixture of adopted and biological family, so I went out in my social life to mingle especially on the internet and also in the few social places that I physically went to. One day I had gone for a picnic with my helper and in the park we met so many people, there was this handsome guy who kept stealing some looks at me and I noticed him and reciprocated the same, I am one woman who does not hide what I feel even for strangers, so I found myself following him around with my eyes and smiling at him.

I took it upon myself to break the silence and I waved 'HI' at him and this gave him confidence to come for a handshake, we talked and he asked for my contact and also my hand in friendship which I dint hesitate because I dont know how to play hard to get. We talked so much on phone, online and also met once in a while in person. It was no secret that we liked and eventually loved one another, and the whole affair was not time bound so we started talking of relationship and also marriage right away. My guy (let's call him Pat) planned a date and he said it will a very engaging day because we will be spontanous on what we will talk about and do. I was so anxious about the day, I was always counting down until it was “tomorrow” I woke up and got ready for the date, we were to meet in a nice hotel where we first took time to sit under a shade to talk and talk. Pat said it was a day of opening up about our past, our dark areas and also future expectations, he told me a lot about his past, his relationships, his life as a person and also what he really wanted in his future life which to me was what we were building together.

My turn came and I told him the same and what I saw most important to talk about was my limitations that came with my disability, of course I had to tell him everything that I can and cannot do. He was ok with it all. We had our late lunch together and hugged tigthly then left to our homes. What followed next was a blow to me that I never saw coming. Pat asked if I was on a certain dating site I said yes and we searched one another. We kept our communication going on there and also through the phone. I later noticed some slow and dying communication, I checked on his profile and what I saw was that he had edited his likes and interests and what he was looking for in a woman of his dreams.

This is what he had changed to be looking for in a woman; a woman who thinks twice as me, a woman who can turn my kitchen into a five star hotel with her cookery, a women who can catwalk like a model in my big living room, a woman with a figure of an hour glass, a woman who can run after me and catch me by holding me around the neck and swing with her legs in the air in the hide and seek game in the park, a woman who will lean on my shoulder as walk down the isle on our special day.

I saw it to be so hilarious rather than hearbreaking to me, I wondered if these were qualifications for a job opening or a love relationship. I thought of what if it was possible for me to reach the planet Mars and get my Mr. perfect because on earth we are all imperfect beings. Then I would ask for a man who will roll me joyfully in my wheelchair around and carry me up where the wheelchair cant access, a man who will hold my hand and show me off to the crowd as his queen, a man who will find a style of dancing while holding my waist while am seated in my wheelchair, a man who will happily accept what I am capable of doing and support me where I am limited, a man who will pay attention on the who I am and never look at what I am.

 

It is so unbelievable that this is the man I met on the same site and we are now happily married with one biological son and an adopted daughter. We live like we are still dating, we have been married for five years now and it looks like it was just yesterday, and yes! I dance with him while in my wheelchair, there is no place I cant access because he carries me around and rolls me around as well and none of his friends fails to call me by my hubby's name. Everytime he reminds me that I am the most gifted woman he has ever met in his entire life and he says there is more to a woman that a man should look for besides the looks and the abilities because in the disabilities of women with disabilities you can never fail to find a special ability.

Pat was a good guy, he is in my past but I dont disregard the fact that he taught me a lot with his reactions. And what I can say about the search for a soul mate is that never set standards for your future partner, be flexible in life, whether you have a disability or not just have an open heart. You can never meet a perfect person by default, you can perfect that faulty person to be the perfect person you want to be with. You can instill in a person the qualities of a partner you want to have. If we follow these we will never go wrong and we will never search for long. I wish all persons with disabilities their deserved happiness and the non disabled I wish them insight in life.

Cheers....with love from Essy.